Growing up a child is challenging. This brand-new experience has many wonderful moments of delight, but it also has a never-ending list of shifting obstacles. Many new mothers turn to social media sites like Facebook and Instagram as a result, hoping to find comfort and support in mommy groups.
Sadly, although some online communities are supportive and understanding of others’ views, other parenting organizations often serve as a platform for publicly humiliating individuals who don’t share their members’ opinions.
According to a study, “23% of women on social media believe social media has had a detrimental influence on their emotional well-being [and] 49% of moms on social media say they have opted not to post, publish, or remark on social media because they were afraid of being judged.”
We examine why some online parent communities are so toxic and discuss how to locate a supportive environment that offers encouraging words and helpful suggestions.
What are Facebook Mom Groups?
There are several private groups on Facebook that provide similar chances digitally for individuals who are new to parenthood and find themselves without a real network of mom friends to resort to when they need to vent or seek guidance. These networks are also fantastic for helping new mothers meet and socialize with other mothers in real life.
Why are these bands so well-liked? Moms are really busy! According to research, 81% of American mothers on social media use Facebook, compared to 61% of the country’s entire population. Furthermore, 35% of respondents claim that social media is their primary window into the outside world.
Social networking is a simple method to get information practically instantly and develop connections with people much more quickly than in person. This was particularly true early in the epidemic when social isolation was required. Sadly, even if these groups have good intentions, if you join one without a moderator you could discover that some discussions become into forums full of misinformation and hatred.
Why Facebook Mom Groups Can Be So Toxic
As many parents are aware, there are several subjects that often elicit heated discussion, including co-sleeping, homeschooling, immunizations, parenting techniques, and how to give birth.
As a result, what begins as a simple query becomes into a collection of harsh and condemning remarks, all because someone believes that their method of operation is correct.
This situation may be tremendously harmful to anyone’s mental health and wellbeing, but it can be particularly harmful to new mothers who are already having a hard time adjusting to their new normal and to working and single mothers who are juggling it all.
Mom Influencers and Instagram Can Have the Same Effect
The exaggerated postings produced by influencer mothers who post pictures of their picture-perfect situations simply serve to amplify the harmful effects of social media. It might be simple to feel like a failure in your hectic life when you see this person’s perfectly coiffed hair, their organized and well-behaved kid, and their immaculate house.
Let’s be clear: Nobody posts about spitting, screaming matches, or restless nights. Even if they are aware of this, these immaculate representations nonetheless put parents under pressure to perform above their capabilities. Feelings of guilt, humiliation, and self-doubt may result from this.
In fact, researchers discovered that “both social comparison orientation [(the propensity to compare oneself to others)] and self-esteem mediated the association between anxiety and online involvement with InstaMums—mothers made famous by Instagram.
Engagement with InstaMums was linked to higher levels of anxiety in those who were more social comparison-oriented as well as higher levels of anxiety in people who had lower self-esteem.
How to Find the Right Mom Group
Every individual will need a distinct parent group. Why? Everyone has a distinct parenting style. As a result, what works for a friend or relative may not mesh with your overall perspectives and values. In order to choose the solution that is ideal for you, it is crucial to take these factors into account.
Determine What You Want Out of the Experience
Ask yourself first and foremost why you want to join a moms’ club. By asking this one question, you may focus your search and make sure that you get the most out of the encounter. Here are some of the main arguments in favor of joining a moms’ club.
1. To Meet Other Moms in Your Area
There are organizations for various churches and communities in addition to those for certain cities. These may be excellent resources for learning about regional family events and kid-friendly businesses.
Think about if you like to interact with people in person or if you prefer for this to solely be a virtual experience.
2. To Gain Helpful Parenting Advice
Whether this is the reason you’re joining, consider if you have a particular topic in mind or if you just want to learn about a few things in general.
There are parent clubs dedicated to topics like eating, sleeping, nursing, learning, recipe sharing, and even product suggestions. Select the organizations that meet your unique requirements and desires.
3. To Make Friends with Other Moms
It’s crucial to consider your life while looking for mom groups with the goal of forming connections. Do you work or do you remain at home with your children? Do you have small children or teenagers? Do your children like music or sports? Do you like working out or are you more of a crafty person? You’ll be shocked by how many organizations are created specifically for these interests and lifestyles.
Look For Groups That Review and Moderate Their Content
Create a Facebook page at any time. Being picky is crucial while looking for a supportive environment. Administrators often evaluate and approve posts before they are shown in online communities that respect its members.
Additionally, they provide a set of guidelines that you must agree to in order to join the group. In addition, if these rules are broken, the violators lose their membership. These kinds of checks and balances contribute to ensuring that a platform is a civil setting for discussion.
Take Social Media Breaks for Your Mental Health
Mean-girl moms and overly idealistic photographs on Facebook and Instagram are well-known for putting unnecessary pressure on women to raise their children flawlessly. Consider moving to alternatives like Pinterest, which 63% of American parents use, as well as messaging apps like Snapchat or WhatsApp if you start to experience the harmful impacts of these social media networks.
Then, when you come across other mothers in your neighborhood, you may add them to your list of pals. This enables you to communicate with real individuals rather than a large number of possible online trolls.
TikTok is also a fantastic resource for discovering similar material. Many of the parenting TikToks on this video-hosting platform reflect the difficulties and failures that we all experience. The best part is that you may ban anyone that you find offensive and follow certain account holders.
Important Things to Remember When Using Social Media
Even while social media may be a great source of information, you should always do your own research.
1. Don’t Believe Everything You Read
It doesn’t always follow that an infant floor seat is safe for your kid to use just because a New York City parent raves about it.
In fact, a lot of parents are unaware that these devices are not advised by pediatric physical therapists since they might impair a baby’s spinal development by tilting the pelvis posteriorly.
Exercise due diligence! Take the advice that has been offered to you, and then make sure that it is accurate. If you discover scientific studies that corroborate the facts, follow the advice you were given. If not, ignore what Facebook informed you.
2. Don’t Compare Your Situation to Others
Every infant grows uniquely! Your kid, who is just starting to discover their words at age two, is not any less than great just because the child of an influencer began talking at the age of one.
Additionally, keep in mind that every parent is unique. You are doing a fantastic job whether you decide to breastfeed or bottle-feed your child!
Try not to compare yourself or your infant to others, even if it’s difficult. Despite how difficult it may be, resist the need to take everything personally.
Instead, concentrate on everything that your youngster has accomplished. When they are prepared, kids will reach those developmental milestones.
3. Ask Questions and Interpret Answers Carefully
Think before you write, as well. The main issue with social media opinion is that there aren’t enough non-verbal clues. According to research, “55% of communication is nonverbal, 38% is vocal, and 7% is solely words.” It is crucial to monitor how you phrase things and to accept remarks with a very significant grain of salt if the first two elements are missing. What could seem to be an assault might simply be a simple remark.
Additionally, avoid touching on sensitive themes. Consult your child’s doctors or a close friend who practices medicine if you have any questions regarding vaccinations. Contact a lactation consultant at the hospital where you gave birth if you need guidance about nursing. On a platform where everyone has an opinion, this can stop a lot of pointless disputes.
Last but not least, be kind to yourself. An outsider may easily glance in and just observe a portion of the situation. Everybody suffers, and not all babies are simple. In the end, we’re all just trying to get through the day, therefore we need to learn to support one another through the challenging times.
4. Put Human Interactions Above Virtual Ones
Get out there and introduce yourself; this is one of the finest ways to meet other parents and create a mom group. The majority of big areas offer MOPS groups, which are a great way to meet local moms.
Enroll your youngster in group activities as well, such as soccer, music, and swim lessons. These are wonderful chances for your child to learn and interact with other children, as well as for you to get to know other mothers.
5. Connect with Other Moms Online AND in Real Life
Use Facebook to create relationships, which is what it was designed for. Identify other mothers who share your interests, build connections, and then disconnect! You may always return to the site to get quick cooking suggestions and product recommendations, but try to stay away from contentious postings. The most crucial factor should always be your overall wellbeing and mental health.