Of all places, I found myself in a bathtub. My face is dripping with tears. “Who am I?’ I kept saying, “I repeat. “Who am I?’ I couldn’t possibly be this woman sobbing inconsolably while drinking wine and contemplating who she had become and where her true self had disappeared. I was a powerful girl who was strong, self-assured, motivated, and confident; women aren’t meant to entirely lose themselves in a relationship.
But I did. my character. my slumber. driving me. my associates My opinions. They had all evolved. by a guy. with love.
Love, they say, blinds you, and, to be honest, it blinded me. When you finally meet the person with whom your mind clicks, your heart cherishes, and your eyes sparkle, it is simple to do whatever it takes to maintain that connection. ANYTHING. I fell into the well-known, terrifying trap of totally losing myself as a result.
I’m not the only lady to have done this, either. Many of you have probably experienced this.
The fact is that all relationships eventually need some form of concession or giving up, but it is absolutely possible to give up much too much of yourself out of love and end up losing yourself in a relationship.
Nobody wants to be in a relationship for days, weeks, or even years and then wake up wondering what the heck happened? “Where have I been? ”
How can you avoid falling into the all-too-common trap of surrendering your life, work, personality, and other connections to a relationship?
Here are eight strategies to help you love another person while avoiding losing yourself in a relationship:
1. DO YOU, ALWAYS
A dear companion of mine reaffirmed to me when I ended that all-consuming relationship: “Do you, Taylor, always do you!”
Her comments rang in my ears when I sought a new romantic relationship. I took a seat and wrote down everything that made me… ME! That has to be the cornerstone of my existence in a partnership going ahead. I have to be myself instead of acting like someone else.
You are similarly accurate. Keep your individuality, peculiarities, likes and dislikes, and interests alive and vivid! Sharing your amazing life with someone is always preferable to losing your amazing life to someone.
Do you, whether you’re single, dating, or married!
2. INVEST IN YOURSELF AND YOUR PASSIONS
It’s crucial to keep investing in your life with your resources, particularly in areas like career development, education, health, and interests. You must choose where to spend your limited resources because they are limited in both time and money. These priceless resources will be used in certain relationships, but not all of them.
I made it a point to return to school and further my education while seriously dating during a much healthier relationship. I spent a lot of time and money on my coursework, therefore I wasn’t always available. But taking care of myself provided me the energy I needed to devote to my beloved.
Nobody should attempt to pour into someone else while their tank is empty.
3. GO ON A DATE… WITH YOURSELF
Spend some alone time. Go out one night by yourself, doing what you enjoy. Perhaps you watch a movie you really enjoy, go hiking on your favorite route, or—no judgment—stay in with a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and Netflix. Make sure you are content with whatever you decide to do. You just have to please yourself throughout this period.
One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to learn to be alone. Making alone time a holy ritual is a terrific strategy to prevent other people from completely consuming your time.
You won’t require anybody else to make your life full if you learn to be content on your own. After then, it’s up to you to decide who to let into your life.
4. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE BY
Your tribe is your group of pals. Keep in touch with those who believe in you and provide you life-changing advice. especially if you are committed to someone. I’m not referring to friendly friends; rather, I’m referring to serious brothers and sisters. The sort who will tell you that your outfit makes you look obese, but you won’t take it personally because they’re just telling you the truth, for the love of God!
One deadly blunder in relationships, particularly young ones, is when women begin prioritizing their boyfriend (who is nice) above their friends (bad). It is much simpler to stay in and be consumed by a horrible relationship for a very long time if you have cut yourself off from your friends and your relationship goes south.
Give your spouse permission to become your buddy, but not your only friend.
5. STAY CONNECTED WITH YOUR FAMILY
Even though our families are sometimes dysfunctional and oddball, they are still our family. You will require such familial ties, regardless of the love partner you choose. Your family is where your origins are. Find a means to keep connected to your roots if you want to stay connected to yourself.
One of the finest ways I was able to heal from losing myself in that relationship was to rely on my family. They were there to catch me when I fell and they made me think of the person I had always been. Of course, not everyone is fortunate enough to come from a good family.
Keep in touch with the individuals of your family who will help keep you grounded whenever you can.
6. SET BOUNDARIES
Keep in mind that borders aren’t barriers. You don’t have to keep every lover at a distance out of concern for your safety. But establishing sound limits from the start is always a good idea. Set ground rules for your connection. How much room do you require? What areas of your life are not allowed? What do you consider to be most important?
A partner will want to establish limits if he wants to have a good relationship with you. It is usually preferable for two independent people to join together while still respecting their respective boundaries and interests.
There must be limits so that no one swallows the other.
7. MAKE SURE YOUR PERSON ACTUALLY LIKES YOU
This may seem painfully apparent to you, but is it really?
A spouse isn’t truly loving you if they want you to change from who you are. If you discover someone who really, truly likes you, they won’t anticipate that you will go from their sight. Because they have fallen in love with that identity.
We all have our peculiarities and faults (and believe me, I have a lengthy list!). We anticipate problems and snags in relationships since they are just a fact of life, or at least we should. It need not be flawless, but it must be genuine.
Your lover does not or cannot like the real you if they want you to change everything about yourself to fit into their life or if you find yourself changing to keep them around.
8. KEEP YOUR LOGIC
I’ve experienced the moment when you first fall in love and your loving heart’s pitter-patter drowns out your rational thinking.
Emotions are intensified when love is involved. Although those feelings are fantastic and exceptional, reasoning must always take precedence. Nothing is either/or. Both/and apply. We must continue to pay attention to our emotions and thoughts.
Consider your life for a moment and decide what matters to you the most. You’ll need to choose the things you can easily let go of if necessary, as well as the things you cannot let go of for the sake of love.
You may still be deeply in love and still approach the events in your life logically once you view your lover through the prisms of both your heart and your rational thinking. Even while taking a step back and analyzing a relationship might not be what you would generally consider romantic, it is crucial if you want to keep from losing yourself in a relationship.
When the heart pays attention to the mind, it can function so much better!
9. MAKE PEACE WITH LETTING GO
As much as it pains us to admit it, not every relationship is healthy and ought to last a lifetime. We occasionally need to let go of a love that is not right for us. It still isn’t easy, though. You’ll probably break down in tears, scream, eat an excessive amount of chocolate, and feel dejected. You’ll then thrive when you survive.
Instead of continuing to be trapped in a relationship where you have lost yourself, it is best to let go of someone who wasn’t healthy for your sense of self.
The clock is running out on your one precious life. Spending an hour becoming absorbed in someone else’s life is a waste. It takes courage and confidence to accept that you might need to end your relationship and move on.
But the first step to rediscovering yourself again is having courage and confidence!
It can be challenging to navigate a love relationship, and there is no one solution that works for everyone. I’ve been in relationships where I let the other person affect who I am, but this time I’m in a relationship where I am still who I always have been. We develop and learn from our errors.
Occasionally, love demands sacrifice. You can never, however, lose anything that makes you, well, YOU. Your beautiful individuality must remain intact.
The most crucial thing to keep in mind is that no spouse who truly and profoundly loves you will ever desire you to be someone else.